Life is?

Life is so? I've been married for 7 years now and love my husband so much, but I wish he felt the same. Maybe he does, but doesn't know how to always show it. How can you love someone and have a secret relationship with another woman. He says they are just friend but I don't believe it. I can't, when she has already asked to be friends with benefits. I don't know what to do.

Waiting on my birth mother

I found my birth mother and sent her a letter. I included pictures of myself  hoping to spark her interest, I guess it didn't work. It's hard for me to understand how a person can carry a baby for 9 months, give birth to them, see them as an infant and then have no thoughts of them every. I need to have hope that one day she will send a letter or email or maybe, just maybe call. It's stressful waiting.

Feeling Sad

Wondering why life is so hard. It seems like others have life so easy. A great marriage, wonderful kids, the family always gets along, maybe that's only what we see on the outside. I have wonderful kid and my marriage, well it depends on the day. I love my husband with all my heart and can't imagine life without him, but there are days I just don't understand him. He has internal demons that he just doesn't share,  but they peek there little heads out more often than he knows. I never know what kind of mood he's going to be in either. I believe he may be bipolar. Today was one of those, I'm so pissed off days and you don't know if it's something you did or something else. You feel like it's you, at least that's how he makes me feel. I just need to pray and hope that God will give me insight. I don't think he is happy in this marriage, but I think he stays just because it's marriage #3. There are days where he is very loving and there are days where he makes me feel like the last person he wants to have to deal with for any amount of time. I feel stressed and sad. I've also been drinking way to much lately. I don't know if it makes dealing with him easier or just gives me an outlet from it all. I know I can't continue though. That's the other issue he has, drinking. He is drinking every day now and becomes very mean when he is drunk. The sad part is he doesn't remember what happens the night before and doesn't realize what he has done or said. I need to take care of me, for I can tell that my health is being effected. How do you deal with a drunk? You can't and I know that. Life has brought me down this path many times. I'm just very SAD:(

Concerned

I have been having these heart racing, dizzy spells that are really concerning me. I keep waiting on the doctor to call to set up an appointment for testing, but waiting is driving me crazy. How long does this take? I may just have to go to the emergency room.

Alone

It's amazing how when you think you have finally found someone that you can share your life with, how alone you really are. People never understand you. I will forever be living my life alone. No one will ever understand me. I need to learn what I can share and what other just don't give a damn about. Just me!!!

My Mother's journey to heaven

My mother made her journey to heaven on October 15, 2009. She had a courageous battle with cancer. She was a very strong woman. You would never know that she was as sick as she was. Even when she wasn't feeling so well, she would tell you she was fine, just tired. She never wanted to burden anyone, but would greatly except your help. Her final days were spent with family and friends. Her time her on earth is done, but her spirit lives on. She will be greatly missed.

Some times it is difficult dealing with a person who's moods are always changing. Happy one moment, then pissed off at the world and not talking to anyone. I have learned to just let them sulk in their own misery. I can't help them and they wouldn't want me to either. Bipolar I guess. It's just a bitch some times.